Insults heard in a narcissistic relationship (2023)



I heard on the

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE OF CLINICAL CARE. Contact your doctor for case-specific advice. This video is about narcissism in general.



Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Romney and welcome back to this YouTube channel dedicated to narcissism, difficult relationships and toxic people in general.

I hope that the content offered on this channel will help you better understand these patterns and connections and answer your questions.

Many of these ideas come from you. If you are new to this channel, subscribe, click the subscribe button or press the bell.

If you click on it, you'll get notified when videos come out, which happens daily. So many of you said "Hey" to me or us and comments like, "What the hell is the difference between a healthy relationship and a narcissistic relationship.

I've been in an unhealthy situation for so long.

I don't know the difference.

In this short series we will also cover various topics, and in this one we will describe healthy and narcissistic relationships side by side.

Like I said, a lot of people have come to me and written that you know, and I'm starting to realize that half of my problem is that I don't even know what a healthy relationship looks like, so it's like he says: In this short series, we're going to look at some of the problems that arise in relationships and the differences in how these problems and dynamics can play a role in healthy and unhealthy relationships.

So let's start with a dynamic that is probably never healthy, but let's break it down: insults.

That's easy.

First, most of you are like insults.

This doesn't seem like a healthy part of a relationship because most healthy relationships don't involve insults per se.

Insults can range from belittling someone's skills to saying, "Hey, you're a bad cook, you're a terrible service provider, you're the worst rapper I've ever seen."

Regardless of the insult.

You can offend someone as a person, you are the worst.

I can't believe they want to see me with you.

I could do it better than you

Insults can affect someone's appearance or preferences.

The list is long. I'm not talking about insulting here. I'm not talking about good-natured taunts like funny remarks about stupid quirks ranging from "I don't know" to toilet habits like passing gas to adding weird spices to food.

We know the difference.

The insult is harsh.

There is mockery, there is contempt.

The insult here is meant to hurt the insult.

I'm talking about devaluing, dehumanizing, making someone feel less than not weird.

You don't want to laugh

You feel angry, hurt, inadequate, and insecure.

It's an insult, and frankly, insults are the love language of a narcissistic relationship.

It's about the narcissistic need to dominate along with the contempt that narcissistic people feel for people who need them.

So insulting them.

It limits intimacy and vulnerability of any kind, and allows the narcissist to retain his power of control and domination.

Well, in a healthy relationship, insults are certainly not a good thing, nice, nice remarks, but those little nice remarks.

you don't know much

You know the fun routines that work because a healthy relationship is a safe place.

I want to say that my loved ones joke that I believe that ginger drinks and baths are a cure for everything and that an adult woman of 55 does not wear a backpack and calls it a handbag, and I joke with people who are very close to me and whom I it's up to them to stop watching movies for life and start watching movies for life as a documentary, and you, I mean that in my life.

You know who you are and we talk about it and we know it makes us smile and laugh and we often don't feel hurt people in narcissistic relationships who receive contemptuous dark insults and for others it can be offensive expressions such as verbal insults or frequent, offensive use of profanity.

These people will try to twist it gently and say, oh, now we only hurt the ones we love.

No, we don't, otherwise people trapped in such relationships will say, We're just fine in the relationship.

You should be able to say something you're unsure of after a lifetime of being insulted. When that happens, it attacks our emotional DNA and transforms us.

We are getting used to hearing them more and more often.

We can even shape our identity around them simply by accepting these insults as a way of communicating with us.

People whose parents are narcissistic will say that a life full of insults has led them to choose narcissistic partners, to believe the insults they hear, or to stay in a job where insults and abuse are part of the workplace.

Cultural insults are insults and are not respected in healthy relationships.

We can make light jokes and we can see someone's weaknesses, comment on them and laugh at them.

We love with the built-in knowledge that we love these people.

We make sure to protect them regardless of gas, spice selection, ginger flavor, snoring, TV choice and cooking skills.

But if they ever told us they were suffering, we would immediately stop.

Insults are psychological, daggers hurt, and when we hear them, we get a lump in the throat.

When they happen, they are not.

Healthy insults consist not only of words, but also of our tone of voice.

When we talk to someone about our bodies, our language, frequent use of profanity, and propensities for vulnerabilities such as someone's weight, appearance, or other sensitivities, all fall into the realm of insult, not the realm of good-natured and loving banter. .

When someone does and says things like that and then genuinely tries to suppress it, I think it's contempt that kills the relationship.

John Gottman's research has consistently shown that insults are the primary means of expressing this contempt. If you feel you must stay in a toxic relationship, always remember not to justify or rationalize these abuses to yourself.

For example, as I've always told you, force yourself to be in a relationship with a person who insults me on a regular basis.

Why do I want you to do this because it creates personal accountability and prevents you from falling into too much cognitive dissonance? Well, I'm never here to tell any of you to leave or stay in a relationship. I'm here to explain the geography and give you the tools you need to navigate, but to understand that fouls never happen.

Okay like I said give it your all, I'm in a relationship and from that point on I resent you because you decide how you want to act, stick to it, keep it within limits, but just don't make excuses for it.

Well, thank you again.


What are the four words you should never say to a narcissist? ›

8 Things You Should Never Say to a Narcissist
  • Don't say, "It's not about you." ...
  • Don't say, "You're not listening." ...
  • Don't say, "Ina Garten did not get her lasagna recipe from you." ...
  • Don't say, "Do you think it might be your fault?" ...
  • Don't say, "You're being a bully." ...
  • Don't say, "Stop playing the victim."
Dec 15, 2017

How does a narcissist feel when insulted? ›

They Feel a Loss of Control

If the narcissist feels like they are losing control of the situation, a rage fit allows them to regain power over those around them. Even if they are receiving unfavorable reactions from their targets, the narcissist revels in the attention and superiority they have restored.

When a narcissist starts insulting you? ›

They Are Using You As a Scapegoat

If the narcissist in your life is insulting you, it could be because you are his/her scapegoat. A scapegoat is a person who is blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes, or faults of the narcissist. Narcissists need a scapegoat to feel emotionally stable.

What to say to outsmart a narcissist? ›

Stay calm.

In these conversations, the best way you can outsmart a narcissist is by not taking the bait to begin with. When they try to escalate the conversation, try: Complimenting them (“I'm always impressed by your focus and attention to detail.”)

How do you beat a narcissist in his own game? ›

However, you can learn some strategies to help you manage your relationship with a narcissist and protect yourself.
  1. Recognize and Acknowledge the Abuse. ...
  2. Don't Stoop to Their Level. ...
  3. Don't React to Their Abusive Tactics. ...
  4. Remain Mindful of Your Needs and Emotions.

What is the #1 word a narcissist Cannot stand? ›

It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".

What scares off a narcissist? ›


Rejection causes major narcissistic injury and is one of the top 10 things narcissists fear the most. They can't handle it, even if it's a tiny slight. Remember, they have a sense of entitlement and pride themselves on being the ones who reject and discard their victims.

What is most hurtful to a narcissist? ›

A narcissist's Achilles heel is their self-image. If you criticize them in any way or challenge their superiority and dominance, you can hurt them.

What phrases to use with a narcissist? ›

According to Scigliano, all of the following phrases can be interchanged easily in a wide variety of situations with a narcissist.
  • “I need you to listen to me.” ...
  • “Please stop interrupting me.” ...
  • “I am not comfortable with how you're speaking to me.” ...
  • “I need you to not yell.” ...
  • “I am on your side.” ...
  • “I need you to stop.”
Apr 23, 2023

What words can destroy a narcissist? ›

"I see through you." This phrase exposes the narcissist for who they really are, and it's sure to hit them where it hurts. "You're not as special as you think you are." "You're not as great as you think you are." "You're not nearly as intelligent as you think you are."

Why do narcissists belittle you? ›

In order to cope, they need to constantly feel better than others. They always compare themselves to others and when they feel threatened, they will try to make the other person feel worse to elevate themselves and feel superior.

Why do narcissists turn nasty? ›

Narcissistic Disappointment: They cannot understand why you would want to stay the way you are. When you resist their suggestions, they feel insulted — as if you have criticized them, not the other way around. They become angry, want to punish you, and may begin to get nasty.

How do you stand up to a narcissist? ›

  1. Educate yourself about NPD. ...
  2. Build your self-esteem. ...
  3. Speak up for yourself. ...
  4. Set clear boundaries. ...
  5. Practice skills to keep calm. ...
  6. Find a support system. ...
  7. Insist on immediate action, not promises. ...
  8. Understand that a narcissistic person may need professional help.
Aug 18, 2022

How do you stop a narcissist from disrespecting you? ›

How to Make a Narcissist Respect You
  1. 1 Recognize that narcissists aren't capable of respect.
  2. 2 Show them that you're high value.
  3. 3 Be confident and self-assured.
  4. 4 Respect yourself.
  5. 5 Treat them with respect.
  6. 6 Keep emotional distance.
  7. 7 Maintain your independence.
  8. 8 Set boundaries with the narcissist.

How do you respond to a narcissist rant? ›

Resist the urge to answer immediately to an attack. Instead say, Thats an interesting point, let me think about it, and walk away. Give yourself some emotional distance before returning to the narcissist so you dont act inappropriately. Find areas of agreement.

What to say to a narcissist to shut them up? ›

Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist
  • I don't like how you are speaking to me, and I want it to stop right now.
  • Please stop criticizing me in front of others. ...
  • I don't like being told what to do or how to behave. ...
  • Flattery and praise go both ways. ...
  • I'm going to leave if you keep speaking to me that way.
Jan 30, 2023


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